


Dumb Martians Just Sit Nicely, Eating Tender Noodles

by Chicklet_Girl



Category: NCIS
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-08
Updated: 2010-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-17 03:02:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/172225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chicklet_Girl/pseuds/Chicklet_Girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little character study of Tony DiNozzo, age nine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dumb Martians Just Sit Nicely, Eating Tender Noodles

**Author's Note:**

> Please see the note at the end for an explanation of the title. This story is set when Tony is in fourth grade, about one year after his mother’s death. Written for Session 4, Round 8 of NCIS Last Fic Writer Standing. The prompt was "A Line: Write a story based around this line (which must appear in your story somewhere), _By the time the lie had spread so far and wide that everyone believed it to be the truth, it was too late._ Word count may not exceed 2000." I received one vote for Favorite and one vote for Least Favorite, advancing to Round 9 with a score of zero.

Tony walks home from school alone these days. Nobody wants to walk with him, especially the kids who used to be his friends. He knows he screwed up, he knew it the minute he'd said his dad was a spy, and that was why he was away from home so much. By the time the lie had spread so far and wide that everyone believed it to be the truth, it was too late. It had gone throughout the entire class until Sister Mary Ann heard John Carpenter talking about how Tony's dad was a spy, and she freaked out. In front of the entire class, she told Tony she knew it was a lie, and that Mr. DiNozzo was a businessman, not a spy, and she rapped Tony’s knuckles with the ruler and made him go to confession. Father Dominic wasn’t sympathetic, and Tony had to say about a billion Hail Marys.

After that, all the kids started leaving him alone at lunch and recess. He didn't complain to anyone, because it wouldn't have done any good. They'd already thought he was kind of weird because his mom was dead, and now he was making up stories about his dad. Even John Carpenter had cut Tony loose, John who’d been his best friend since last year, when Tony had told John he had the same name as the guy who directed _Halloween_. Tony knew he wasn’t supposed to have seen that movie, but it was on TV late one night when his dad was out of town. It was scary, but not as scary as vampires. There was a piece of music that played through the whole thing that stayed in your head and made you remember the movie at all sorts of crazy times, like when you were walking down the hallway at school.

When Tony gets to his driveway, he sets his books on the gravel and puts on his jacket, so Elizabeth won’t scold him. Tony’s growing out of it – the sleeves end just above his wrists and it’s kind of tight when he zips it closed – but his mom had bought it for him, the summer before the accident, so he keeps it. Mom called the color “bottle green,” and she’d kept telling him that it brought out his eyes, which he didn’t understand, but she liked to see him in it. Tony knows it’s dumb, but he thinks if she could see him from Heaven, she’d be happy.

Elizabeth isn’t in the kitchen when Tony comes in, but there’s a note on the counter saying she had to go to the store for something and that there’s a sandwich in the refrigerator for Tony. He opens the refrigerator door and it’s salami, his favorite. Tony brings the plate up to his room and puts it on his desk so he can change into jeans. He’s very careful with his clothes, because his dad says that you have to care for them, because clothes are important. Tony puts his school-uniform pants on a hanger and then hangs up his uniform shirt so he can put it back on for dinner. Tony is expected to dress for dinner, but between now and then, he can wear jeans.

He turns on his TV and sits on his bed with the sandwich. He asked for the TV for his birthday, because it was nicer to watch shows in his room, instead of in the living room downstairs. His dad went along with Tony’s request because he said it made it easier to entertain his friends and business associates. Tony doesn’t really care about that, he just likes watching TV by himself. Right now _Eight is Enough_ is starting. It’s weird to think about having eight kids in a family, how loud it would be. Their house is mostly quiet.

Tony eats his sandwich and doesn’t pay much attention to the show. One thing he’s noticed is that the Bradford kids see their dad all the time, pretty much any time they want, even though there’s eight of them. Those kids see their dad more than Tony sees his, even though it’s just the two of them. Tony used to think it was because the Bradford house is smaller than his, like he and Dad would spend more time together if they had a smaller house. But after awhile he decided it was because the Bradfords are on TV. Everything’s better on TV.

Tony finishes the sandwich and brings it downstairs. He doesn’t bother waiting until there’s a commercial, because this episode of _Eight is Enough_ is boring. Susan’s having a big fight with her husband, and there’s hardly anything with Nicholas. The new episodes at night are even worse, because there’s a new kid, the Bradfords’ cousin Jeremy, who’s kind of like Fonzie, only not as cool. They did the same thing with _The Brady Bunch_ , bringing on a new kid for no reason, and Tony hates it. He changes the channel every time he sees Cousin Oliver on one of the reruns.

When Tony gets to the kitchen, Elizabeth is at the stove and has her back turned, so Tony opens the refrigerator and tries to sneak a chocolate pudding cup. “Tony,” Elizabeth scolds him, without even turning around. “You’ll ruin your dinner.” She’s older even than Tony’s father, with hair that matches her gray uniform.

“We’re not eating until seven. It’s not even four,” Tony points out.

She turns around. “All right, but you have to eat everything on your plate tonight. Deal?”

“Deal.” Elizabeth holds out a spoon, and Tony takes it. He lets her ruffle his hair a little bit, but then he wriggles away. “It’s almost time for _Happy Days_ ,” he says, and heads back up to his room. They’re showing a bunch of the early episodes now, which Tony likes better. Sometimes he watches the new episodes on Tuesdays, but Richie’s not on anymore, and it’s all about Fonzie becoming a teacher and stuff. It’s the same thing with _Laverne & Shirley_. They moved from Milwaukee to California, and it’s not as good. He likes the old ones better.

Tony eats the pudding cup while he watches _Happy Days_ and then sits through the rerun of _Laverne & Shirley_, which is on right after, and then it’s time for his favorite, _Barney Miller_ , which he likes because the cops are really funny, but not silly. They have arguments sometimes, but they always work together on the wacko cases. He’s especially excited about today’s episode, though, because if they’re airing in order, it should be the one where Wojo brings brownies to work that his girlfriend made, but they have hash in them, and everyone gets high without meaning to. Tony knows about getting high because John’s older brother James smokes pot. James used to be pretty cool about John and Tony hanging around, and sometimes would take them for rides in his Camaro, which Tony loved. Tony doesn’t know if James would still be that way, though, not after Tony told everyone his crazy story.

After a few minutes, Tony realizes today’s _is_ the one with the hash brownies, and it’s just as good as Tony remembers. Yemana is hilarious, and Fish is the best. Tony remembers him from _The Godfather_ , which he watched on TV a few months ago. The guy who plays Fish played Tessio, the traitor. That was a great movie, another one he figures he’s not supposed to have seen. It was a Sunday afternoon and Tony had nothing to do, so he was flipping through the channels. He sat on his bed and watched the whole thing, and said the lines during commercials. “Leave the gun, take the cannoli.” “Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.” “He made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.”

 _Barney Miller_ finishes and Tony knows it’s time to get ready for dinner. Actually, it’s time to get ready for cocktail hour, which used to be with his parents and now is just with his dad. Tony changes from his jeans into some dress pants and puts on his white school shirt again, tucking it into the pants. He doesn’t have to wear a tie to dinner, thank God, but he has to wear a sweater over the shirt, so he opens his dresser and finds the blue one Elizabeth bought him last week. It’s always a pain to put on a sweater over a dress shirt and make everything look good, but Tony takes the time to pull the cuffs down at the wrist so they poke out under the sleeves of the sweater, and he looks in the mirror so he can fix the collar the way his dad said it was supposed to look. He puts on his black dress shoes, because his pants are gray. His dad was very clear about the rules: Black shoes with black or gray pants, and brown shoes with brown or navy pants. “What color shoes do you wear with purple pants?” Tony joked, but his dad didn’t get it. He just said not to wear purple pants because they weren’t dignified.

Tony looks at himself in the mirror again, checking his clothes. He smoothes down his hair with his hand and pictures himself pouring his father’s scotch, two fingers, neat, into one of the special glasses on the bar, and then bringing it to his dad without any spills. If he pictures it in his mind beforehand, there’s a better chance he’ll do it right. Mr. Cossetta, the gym teacher, told Tony to picture himself doing something before he does it, to picture doing it right, every detail, to help him focus on each action and carry it out correctly. Tony figured if it worked for basketball, it would work for other things, and it’s mostly true. Last week, his dad started saying maybe Tony should go to a boarding school next year, to be around more kids and to get a fresh start. At first, Tony had hated the idea. But lately he’s been thinking about what it’s like at St. Peter’s, and he’s started picturing himself with new classmates, and maybe a roommate. He doesn’t really know how boarding school works, but he thinks he’d have a roommate. He pictures himself making jokes, playing basketball, walking to class with people. Being friendly and easy to talk to, and having friends. He pictures every minute of it.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from an episode of _Eight is Enough_ ; it’s a mnemonic device Tom Bradford creates to help his future wife, Abby, remember the names of his children. Each word in the sentence begins with the same letter as a Bradford child’s name, in order from oldest to youngest (David, Mary, Joannie, Susan, Nancy, Elizabeth, Tommy, and Nicholas).


End file.
